sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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