where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
