During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
