you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
