We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize