my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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