Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
