The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize