chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
