Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There r osticjed everywhere
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize