I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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