She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
