Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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