Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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