i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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