That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
