remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
someone owes me an orgasm
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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