It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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