I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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