This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
