my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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