do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
