Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
