girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
