there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
