Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
