My brain says no but my pants say off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
