i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
