I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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