i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
