She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
