if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize