i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
