Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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