wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
