Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
