Your face is a jimmy john
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
