his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
