The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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