Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
