I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
