You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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