his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
