FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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