I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
