Your mouth is God's brothel.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
