After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
