There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
