oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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