So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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