I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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