**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
