I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
