I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
