If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
