omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
