porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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