you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
bring money and cleavage
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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