If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
