Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
