There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
