'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
