this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
