I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
