I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dicks are not precious.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
