I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
