GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
