i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
