even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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