Whod you bang
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
