Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
