We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
