You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
